Rozey Thorn Trees

4yr: Daddy, look what I drew! It says “scary” and ”beautiful.” See? Me: 😱 Uh, that’s actually pretty scary!

Me: The candle flame represents Jesus Christ the light of the world, but please don't accidentally light your long hair on fire. 8yr: 😒 (It was a special battery-free Christmas Eve flame. I was slightly nervous. But no probs. 😊)

4yr: I'm just tired of all the Christmas songs! I want to hear songs about other things too! Me: Like what? 4yr: Uhh, washing machines cleaning my socks. Me: 🙃

What I said at the end of the school day: "Goodbye! Pray for a snow day!" What students heard me say: "We're probably going to have a snow day!" What teachers heard students say: "We're going to have a snow day!" What I heard teachers say: "Who's telling the students we're going to have a snow day?..." Me: Uhh...🤪

Me: May I have a kiss? 2yr: (nods no) Me: May I kiss your cheek? 2yr: (nods no) Me: May I say I love you? 2yr: (nods no) Me: May I say you're wonderful? 2yr: (nods no) Me: May I say I'm so happy that you're my daughter? 2yr: (nods no) Me: Is your candy cane yummy? 2yr: (nods yes) Me: Is it so sweet like you? 2yr: (nods yes) Me: Are you a happy girl? 2yr: (nods yes) Me: Do you love your Daddy? 2yr: (nods no) Me: Yes you do! I know you do! 2yr: (nods no) I sit quietly pouting waiting for her to finish crunching on her holiday treat... Me: Kiss? She plants a sticky, minty wet kiss on my cheek. Me: 😁

8yr: Do you know how we frustrate you so much when we're shopping? Me: Sometimes. 8yr: Well, don't worry. I just saw a mom over there with four boys, and they are so much worse than we are! 8yr: 😒 (I bet they're telling their mom the same thing about us! 😅)

Pretend shopping at the GR Children's Museum:  4yr: I'm buying things that Mommy would never buy! (Ice cream sandwiches, Krave Cereal, YooHoo chocolate drink... 😀)

Laura: What number is this? 4yr: 98. Laura: Yes. 4yr: Is that the number when you die? 😯 (Who knew preschool math could be such a downer?)

8yr: I know everything about everything. 4yr: I know you do. I just know everything about a lot of things. 8yr: Like what? 4yr: Trees. 8yr: What do you know about trees? 4yr: They have green leaves. 8yr: What else? 4yr: Uhhhh. 8yr: Do you know they make oxygen for humans to breathe and live? 4yr: Yes, I know that. I know everything about trees.... (I'm impressed. At 47, I know nothing about anything if my phone's not charged and connected. 🙄)

2yr: Daddy put me to bed. He a bad, bad man! (cue my villainous cackle 😜)

Student: I want you to come over to my house sometime. Even though you'll never use it in life, I'll teach you how to drive a combine. Me: That's fair. I teach you things you'll never use in life! 😜

At the Y while I'm lacing up my boots to go home, a young kid suddenly pops up and asks me a question: "Hi! Is there anything I can pray with you about?" Wow. That's bold of him. Do I look like I need prayer? Probably. I just finished a trek on a recumbent bicycle and am not my best self. What could he pray about? I'm not too good at pop quizzes. How about for world peace and against government corruption, global poverty, human trafficking, disease, famine... No, too intense. How about for healing of our national political divide and against social and economic exploitation born of pride, greed, fear, and hatred... No, still too much. He's a tweenager. Be cool. Stick to the personal, like for improved health and happiness and for my ambition to be a much better husband, father, teacher, neighbor, friend... Or maybe that I make smarter life goals that keep me from overdosing on Thanksgiving food and guilt-tripping myself back to the Y on a Sunday night to justi

Four times I ask my four-year-old to get the scissors from the top drawer. Four times she returns empty-handed: no scissors to be found anywhere! I walk over to the drawer, open it, and point at the scissors. Me: They're right there. 4yr: (matter-of-factly) Magic. Maybe fairies are real. Yes, maybe fairies are real... Me: 🙃

Problem: They're throwing tantrums because it's bathtime. Solution: I fret woefully that there are far too many bubbles in the bath, and I wonder which one of my daughters will be the first in the tub to pop them all. That's how it's done stress-free, folks. 😉

Me: Looks like someone put in a big order at the cloud factory! Kids: Daddy! Those aren't clouds! Me: That's why it's so cloudy in West Michigan. Kids: Daddy! Those aren't clouds! Me: You could order up a cloud, too, you know. For a buck, a puff of cloud the size of a bag of cotton candy. 8yr: Daddy, I want you to order a cloud for me for Christmas!... (They know I'm kidding but they love it : )

Me: What did you learn from the story? 4yr: I don't know. Me: I think I learned that you don't have to be afraid of the dark. What do you think about that? 4yr: I'm never afraid of the dark. Me: Really? Hmmm. Then why do you crawl into bed with Mommy and me every night? 4yr: Because I like to snuggle with you! Me: Awwwww. 😘 4yr: And because I love you! Me: Awwwww! 🥰 (She's such a little fibber. As cute as she is right now, her snuggles are not adorable at 3 in the morning! 😅)

My 8-year-old is under the impression that her school peers go on exotic vacations on the weekends. Hmm, maybe they do. Oh, well. The best I can do right now is Youtube a 360-degree video tour of Hawaii...Nope. She's not buyin' it.  😐

Sophia reported fearfully that Freya had disappeared from her bed at naptime and that she was nowhere to be found. She was not in her bedroom, not in any of our beds, nor anywhere else in the house. A soft scritch-scratch sound emitted from the bedroom closet. I caught a glimpse of little fingers flitting from inside her closet door. Sophia and I exchanged bewildered glances. I slid open the door slowly to reveal the horrible truth of what I knew must lay therein. "Oh, no," I said. Sophia gasped heavily, then screamed, "Noooo! My candy! Freya! How could you!" Freya sat staring back at us, remorseless, with a Hershey smeared mouth and leftover wrappers gripped tightly in her little fists. Signs of mass candy carnage lay all around her. Sophia sobbed loudly as she forced herself past me to recover what was left of her no longer secret holiday stash. Freya started crying just as loudly that her sweet illicit escapade was over too soon, too soon, indeed. I'm just ha

She: Can you hand me the spatula? Me: Here. She: No, the real spatula. Me: This one? She: No, the flat one. Me: The flat spatula? The flatula? As in for flatulating? 😅 She: Do I look like I'm in the mood to laugh?... Me: Found it! 😇 (Spatula...as in for spatulating??? Just trying to be helpful! 😁)

8yr: How much older are you than Mom? Me: 8 years. 8yr: WHAT?!!! Me: ☺️ 8yr: YOU WERE MY AGE WHEN MOMMY WAS BORN?!!! Me: 🤣 (I'll be starting a GoFundMe site soon for my child's therapy bills...)

Me: Are you dressed for school? That's what you're wearing? Oh, honey, that's too casual. Laura: She says that's the fashion at school. Me: That's the fashion nowadays? No. That's okay for watching cartoons at home on the couch on a Saturday morning, not for school. Please dress nicer. (She changes without a fuss. She returns dressed nicer.) Me: Wow! You look so nice! Laura: Very nice! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look ready for school! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look like you could be a teacher! 8yr:  😐 Laura: OK, that's not going to help. (Yeah, I better not press my luck around this minefield...)

Me: It's so beautiful out here! Gorgeous colors, fresh air, birds and animals all around. I really enjoyed our nature walk together, honey. Did you enjoy the walk, too? 2yr: NO! Of course, she didn't. Poor girl. During the walk, she was trying not to trip and muddy her shoes, asking me what the scary noises in the woods were, and wanting me to carry her and take her home now! ... Either we need to do this more often or never again!😜 Next day update: She enjoyed our walk much better as a whole family.

"In the U.S., the average, one-way commute time is 26.1 minutes, according to the U.S. Census Bureau."

Me: 🎵"The sun'll come out Tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun!"🎵 4yr: Heh, heh. Bottom.

In the car, on the way to church. 4yr: Freya hit me for no reason! Me: Nooo, we don't hit others! That's not nice! You're supposed to hug your sister. 2yr: No! I hug her at home. Me: Hug her in the car too. Hug her everywhere. 2yr: No! I don't want to. I just hug her at home... I apologize if my child wasn't sweet and saintly in church this morning. She hasn't learned to fake that yet. 😇

I turn on Christian pop radio. 8yr: No, not this station! Me: Why not? 8yr: They only play boy singers! Me: Nooo, come on. They play girl singers, too. 8yr: See! That's a boy singer! Me: The next one will probably be a girl singer. 8yr: What if it's not? Me: I'll give you gum. 8yr: OK. She wins the gum. I switch to other radio stations: All boy singers. I switch back to the first station: Boy singer. Three more songs later: Still boy singers. The sixth song starts... IT'S A GIRL SINGER!!! My car audience erupts with loud, uproarious celebration!... Girl singers rock! Bring it on! Lovin' it!... Then back to boy singer. Sooo, Radio Stations, on behalf of my three little music-loving girl singers in the back seat of my car, what's up with the messed up gender ratio today? Is this the way it is? Is this the way it's going to be? Boy singers are great too, but let's get some more girl power in there. Maybe we need to put a demo together, haha...

Me: Clean up time. Is everybody picking up? 8yr: Yes, but they aren't! 4yr: Yes, I am! Me: Good job. How about you? What are you doing to help? 2yr: (sings the Barney clean up song) "Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere..." Ahh, the motivational consultant.

A pet peeve venting moment: Enough with naming products Buddy or Pal! It's lazy, cringe-inducing, and I've literally not bought your product because of it. I don't care if I'm alone in this. 😜

Me: Stay out of that locker. That's the lost-n-found. 4yr: What's the lost-n-found? Me: If you forget something at the Kid Zone, they'll put it in the lost-n-found for you to find again. 4yr: Can I play with this toy? Me: No, it's not ours. Put it back so the owner can find it again...Let's go! 4yr: Hey, that's Sophia's book! 8yr: My book!... (Indeed, there was Sophia's Action Bible... the graphic novel that she had lost several days before, that we had been searching for high and low, that I had fretted about paying library late fees for... It was found! Prepare the fatted calf! For tonight we shall feast! Thank you, Kid Zone, for having faith in us that we would return to reclaim that which had been lost.) Me: Now, for the last time, step away from the lost-n-found and let's go!

Friend: I'm writing a paragraph for school about my strongest qualities, like compassionate, punctual, communicative, creative, diligent, enthusiastic. Can you think of anything else? Me: That's a good list. Friend: Oh, a good listener! I like that. I'll add it to my list. Me: Uhh...😅

8yr: I can't stand my sisters! I wish we didn't have them! Me: It's probably too late to trade them in. I'll have to check our warranty. 8yr: Why do they always make me so mad! Aaaaagh! Me: You have an 8-year-old brain...You acted like them when you were their age. Your brain is more mature now. Did you know that seven is the age of reason? 8yr: I don't even know what the age of reason means! Me: It's the age when your brain can start to handle more complicated information in more logical and reasonable ways. 8yr: Look at me! Do I look like I have the age of reason!🤪 Me: Hahaha!... (She makes a rational point.😉)

8yr: I hope the Tooth Fairy comes tonight. Me: The Toot Fairy? 8yr: Haha! Tooth, not toot! Me: Tooth – I thought you said toot... 8yr: Hahaha! Me: ...Toot Fairy. 8yr: Hahahaha! I wish the Tooth Fairy gave money for toots! Me: Two dollars: Two for toots from the Toot Fairy. 8yr: HAHAHAHAHA! 😂 Great crowd, great crowd. I'm here all week... (8-year-olds are toot easy.😉)

Freya, our 2-year-old, has been extra demanding today: Freya: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!... Laura: If you were to X-ray me, my nervous system would be frayed! Me: Do you mean Freya'd? Laura: Yes, Freya'd. 😏

Student: How much does a shot put weigh? Me: Google says 16 lbs. Student: How much is 16 lbs? Me: Well, a big newborn baby can weigh 8 lbs, so a shot put weighs about two big babies. Student: That sounds so wrong, haha! Me: 😅

8yr: Are you and Mommy going on a date tonight? Me: Yes. 8yr: Is it a romantic date? Me: Yes, our dates are romantic. 8yr: Yuck. Me: 🙄 8yr: Will you kiss each other? Me: I hope so. 8yr: Yuck! Me: So what if we do? 8yr: 😟😣😖Blechhh!... Me: That's a healthy response at your age. 😉

8yr: You're spending too much time looking at your phone and not playing with me. Me: Sorry, honey! You're right! Do you want a Daddy-Daughter date today? Just you and me? 8yr: Yes! Me: What do you want to do? 8yr: I don't know. Me: How about we look at my phone together? 8yr: Daddy! 😐 Me: Just kidding. Sorry. 😘

Me: Some day when I pass on to the other side...I wonder if I'll be able to leave my digital library for my family to have. There was a case several years ago with a family that wanted access to their father's Kindle library, but Kindle refused to give it to them. I wonder what happened with that because you can inherit a literal library, so why not a digital library? Laura: Most libraries end up in Goodwill. Touché.

Laura: You need to wear a diaper to bed. 2yr: No diaper. Laura: Yes, you need a diaper so you don't go peepee and poopoo in the bed. 2yr: No diaper! I'll be nice. (I'd consider that a loaded statement! Nice try, though, haha)

8yr: Where did you put Tigey? 4yr: I don't know. I don't have a good remembory.

Car travel with three incessantly bickering siblings in the back seat is not OK! Me: That's enough girls! No more fighting! You can't behave that way any longer. You shan't behave that way!... 8yr: Shan't? Me: Shan't, as in shall not. You shall not behave that way any longer! Shan't. The girls proceeded to mock me for several minutes with affected British tones: "Shan't! Hahaha! Shan't! I shan't go to the store today! Hahaha! I shan't eat pizza! Hahaha! I shan't wag my tail! Hahaha! I shan't go to the bathroom! HAHAHA...." Whatever. They stopped fighting the rest of the way. Grammar: the great uniter 😉

The book Furlie Cat: Me: That cat better be careful. If it bullies the bear, the bear might eat it! 4yr: And then poop it out! Me: 🙃 Laura: She's been learning a lot about the human body and how it works.

8yr: Why are there so many bad people in the world? Me: What bad people? Who do you mean? 8yr: Darth Vader. Me: Well, that's one. Is that it? 8yr: And the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. Me: That's two bad people. Well, if you look around, I think most of the people you see are not bad people. They're good people trying to work hard and make a living honestly and are probably really nice when you talk to them. I don't think they want to kill anyone. 8yr: Well, everyone feels like killing an annoying person sometimes, haha. Me: Haha, I guess that's true. That's the sin part of us that we have to fight against!... (Who knew that watching Attack of the Clones, my least favorite episode, with my daughter would lead to a heartfelt discussion of the Lord's prayer as a force for good in our life 😇.)

I've discovered an alternative power source that could potentially revolutionize society as we know it: toddlers blowing kisses. My 2-year-old sure can power up my day! 😗😘😀

4yr: Why are hearts for loving? Me: Because they're close to our hugs. 4yr: Awww! (hugs her new bunny pajamas closer to her chest) 💓

My 8yr complaining about her sore thumb: "It hurts so bad! I hate splinters! The splinter is Darth Vader and the white blood cells are Jedi Knights!..."

Me: You could buy a lot with a $60,000 game prize! 8yr: Like 10,000 puppies? Me: 😯

2yr: What's that? Me: Sunblock. 2yr: What's sunblock? Me: It's lotion that you put on your skin that keeps the sun from burning you. 2yr: Why? Me: Because the sun is very hot. 2yr: Why? Me: Because it's a big star made of burning plasma. 2yr: Why? Me: Because God made it that way. 2yr: Why? Me: Because it pleases him. 2yr: Why? Me: Because it's beautiful and good. 2yr: Oh. (Next time I'll start with because it's beautiful and good, haha)

I'm very impressed that I talked myself out of buying a gourmet cookie today!  (Hmm, I deserve a gourmet cookie for that.)

No joke, since I bought Band-Aids imprinted with cute and colorful rainbow unicorns and Peppa Pigs, ouchies and boo-boos have increased exponentially in this home. Coincidence?

4yr: I don't want to nap! Me: I'll nap with you. Let's race to see who sleeps first. On your mark, get set, go! 4yr: I'm winning! (If she wins, I win more. Best race ever.)

Tech innovation, automation, and AI are fascinating to learn about. I'm hoping society adjusts effectively as jobs continue to be displaced at an ever-increasing rate. This is a bipartisan issue worth taking seriously in the next election cycle.

8yr: Daddy, how do I floss my back teeth? Me: I'll show you. Watch me. 8yr: Ewww!...I should not have come here.

In the car trying to casually prepare our 4-year-old for a trauma-free doctor's appointment in another week. Laura: Thalia is going to have preschool shots. 4yr: I know! Because I'm starting preschool. I'm going to have preschool shots! 8yr: Do you actually know what that means? Laura: (hissing) Sophia, stop! Stop it!... 8yr: Well, a shot is when... Laura: For the love of...just stop talking! Getting the shots will be bad enough without big sister putting thoughts in her head! We're hoping that watching Daniel Tiger's doctor visit episode will help prepare her for the worst of it.

My 8-year-old charged my 4-year-old money to play house with her today. Laura put a stop to the two-dollar birthday cash transaction. We don't pay to play here.

It's better to be late and alive than to be a no-show and in the hospital!  Stay safe in traffic everybody!

When I picked up my daughters from the KidZone at the Y today, a little boy stood at the doorway, smiled at me, and said, "Hi, Daddy." Me: Uhh. Kid: Hi, Daddy. Me: Hi. I'm not your daddy, but hi. Kid: (looks at KidZone worker, points at me, and whispers with conviction) Daddy. Me: 😮 I think the Y is running a Twilight Zone. 🙃

Inviting Mommy to roleplay... 2yr: You're the bad guy. Laura: I want to be the mommy who loves everyone. 2yr: You're the bad guy! Laura: What does the bad guy do? 2yr: (whack,whack!) Laura: Oh, the bad guy gets hit...

Someone randomly asked me what I do for a living. Of course, it's a legitimate question to ask in our culture, but sometimes I just want to respond politely with "I stay busy minding my own business..." 😁 #introvertday

7yr: Daddy, who do you want to win? Me: Oh, whoever Mommy wants to win. Laura: Such a smart man.

I introduced Sophia to The Accidentals to inspire her violin playing. Later in the car she told Laura that we were listening to The Mistakens, haha! #theaccidentals

At dinner tonight, my 4-year-old demanded to know who stole her ice cubes from her cup. She glared at each of us ready for a fight until I explained how ice water works...😅

Me: Can I eat a banana cookie? Laura: Yes. Me: That's good because I ate one already. Laura: (a look) Me: (gleefully helps self to another freshly baked chocolate chip banana cookie to mitigate any lingering trace of shame from eating the first cookie 😁)

A lovely calm summer morning Rocking with my toddler In my La-Z-Boy chair Giggling softly together at our Funny filter faces until A warm wet feeling suddenly Spreads over my lap Fun time is over "Oh, honey, did you just..." I gently set my toddler down To clean up the mess Only to discover that I had Drained morning coffee Down my track pants My coffee! Whew! It's just my precious coffee! Oooh, and just enough left in my cup To give me strength To face this precious day Life is good 😁

Laura: You haven't finished all of your math problems. You won't be able to see a movie with Daddy if your schoolwork isn't done. 7yr: But I want to see a movie! Me: That's okay, honey. If you don't finish, we can see a movie another day. We don't have to go today. 3yr: (breaks into a happy heartfelt song) "You can see a movie another dayyy! You don't have to go todayyy!..." 7yr: STOP IT! STOP SINGING!... (Why is it that a Greek chorus is never appreciated?)

Student: ...It went good. Me: You mean it went well. Student: I don't like it when you correct my grammar! Me: What? I've never even met your gramma'! Student: Hahaha! (I punned good.)

Our three-year-old didn't like Laura's choice of music on the car stereo so she threw a toy at Laura's head in protest. Laura: Don't throw toys at me when I'm driving! Thalia: But you're at a stoplight! (It wasn't funny at the time.)

Sophia: How do you spell "swallow," Daddy? Me: "S-w-a-l-l-o-w." Why? Sophia: I'm writing that I swallowed my tooth. Me: Oh. Sophia: How do you spell "accident"? Me: "A-c-c-i-d-e-n-t." Sophia: I want the Tooth Fairy to know that I swallowed my tooth on accident. I really, really hope the Tooth Fairy comes tonight. Me: Where are you putting the letter? Sophia: Under my pillow. Me: Goodnight. Sophia: Goodnight. Where's my wallet...It's time to suit up.

What a treat to have my wife and toddler stop by my classroom today to drop something off. It's rare to see them during the work day. Of course, as I greeted my family with a quick hug and a peck, I could sense the tweens around me looking away, rolling their eyes, making gagging faces, questioning their existence.... PDA is not OK! Don't ever, ever do that again! Gross!  Blechhh!... I get it. I hear you.  I'm sorry. If it's any consolation,  I had blushed, slightly, in that moment. But not too sorry Because I said my goodbyes to my family with  Another show of modest affection in front of them, too. And their subtle yet audible groans did not disappoint, haha.

Customer Service: What is the reason for the return? Me: It didn't work when I turned it on. Customer Service: Tsk, tsk. You understand that it costs us to have to repackage and reshelve this, and we'll have to try to resell this at a reduced price? The store is losing money with this return. Me: Yes. Customer Service: And you still wish to return it? Me: Yes, I wish it worked so I didn't have to return it. Customer Service: (sigh) Well, OK then... (I'm confused, haha. Am I supposed to feel guilt at this point of the exchange?)

Student: Why are you wearing suspenders? Me: (snaps suspenders) Why not? Student: I knew you would say that. Me: (snaps suspenders) (Some people just can't handle the suspense! 😜...)

3yr: Why is that man talking like that? Me: He's trying to sell us things. 3yr: He's so annoying! Her first time at a school auction.😀

At naptime: 1yr: Daddy, hug. Me: I love you. 1yr: (singing softly in my ear) "Dada loves me. This I know..." Me: Haha! (Yeah, that's a pretty high standard to hold me to, kid.)

3yr: Daddy! I'm hungry! Is the food ready! Me: Yep. Mac N Cheese comin' up! 3yr: Yay! Mac N Cheese! I get to eat Mac N Cheese! (proceeds to sing an impromptu Mac N Cheese song while twirling like a dervish around the dining table) Mac N Cheese! Mac N Cheese! I get to eat Mac N Cheese! (baby sister joins in the celebration fervently) 3yr/1yr: Mac N Cheese! Mac N Cheese! I get to eat Mac N Cheese! Me: Mac N Cheese is ready! 3yr/1yr: Yay! Mac N Cheese! Mac N Cheese! Me: Have a seat, everybody! Mac N Cheese is here! 3yr/1yr: Yay! Mac N Cheese!... I kid you not, when I served up her Mac N Cheese bowl, she stared at her food, scrunched up her nose, and said, "What? Cheese? I just wanted macaroni." Me: 😲

Me: Is your mom going on the trip? Student 1: Yes. Me: What's her name again? Student 1: Mom. Student 2: Spelled M-O-M. Me: 🙃

3yr: Can I have a cookie? Me: You have to finish your food first. 3yr: Ughhh! I wish I could get rid of parents! Me: Why? 3yr: Because they take us to where we don't want to go! Can I go upstairs? Me: Not right now. 3yr: Ughhh! That's why I want to get rid of parents. They're so terrifying! Me: Then how come you're hugging me? 3yr: I don't know! Me: 🙃 3yr: 😛 Me: I love you. 3yr: I wuv you too. 😙

1yr: Knock, knock. Me: Who's there? 1yr: Mouse. Me: Mouse who? 1yr: Cheese! Me: Hahaha! 3yr: Knock, knock. Me: Who's there? 3yr: Mouse. Me: Mouse who? 3yr: What did the duck say to the other duck? Nothing. Don't worry. It's just a joke! Me: Hahaha! 1yr: Knock, knock. Me: Who's there? 1yr: Mouse. Me: Mouse who? 1yr: Baby! Me: Hahaha!... Attentively laughing at my babies' "jokes" is the penance I feel I must pay today to justify inflicting my lame dad humor on them when they're teenagers...

3yr: Stop copying me! 1yr: Stop copying me! 3yr: Stop! 1yr: Stop! 3yr: (exasperated) Whatever I say, Freya repeats! 1yr: Wever I say, Fweya weepeets!... Hours of entertainment, folks. Hours... 😭

Guy: Good lookin' kids. Me: They're cuties. Guy: They're all cute that age. It doesn't last. They'll grow out of it. Me: Uhhh...

Late night tantrums on the way home because I wouldn't let the grandparents give the little ones ice cream: 3yr: Aaaahhh! I want ice cream!.... Me: No, honey, not before bedtime. It's way too late already. 3yr: Aaaahhh! I want Bita! Me: I know, honey. You love your Bita, don't you. 3yr: Yes! Me: And you love your grandpa. 3yr: Yes! Me: And you love your mama. 3yr: Yes! Me: And you love your daddy, too. 3yr: NO!... (I made up for it the next day with a scoop of vanilla bean.)

Over the past 8 years, I guesstimate that we have lost 20% of our milk from almost daily accidental spills, including my own...I'm scared to calculate that cost in dollars...sigh.

I load my girls into the car, pack in my purchases, then get into the driver's seat: 3yr: Daddy, are you ready to rumble? Me: Uh, rumble? Yeah. Where did you hear that? (I'm thinking from little boys at daycare or from her male cousins) 7yr: Mommy says it. Me: Mommy says it? 3yr/7yr: Are you ready to rumble!... I asked Laura about it.  It's what she says when she gets in the car to drive them to school, haha! Me: WWF? Laura: It's a part of the cultural vernacular!... 😅

A student made me laugh today.  He told me that he once wrote he wanted to be an executioner.  He meant to spell excavator.  Yep. Spelling counts, haha...

Student: Would you like these cookies? Me: Sure!... Hey, uh, these cookies are stale! Student: I know. Me: 😮 Note to self: Don't accept cookies from boys wearing impish grins.

3yr: Daddy, I'm scared! Me: Why are you scared? 3yr: I'm scared of Freya! Me: Why? She's sleeping in her crib. She can't get you. Go back to bed! 3yr: But I'm scared! Me: Why are you scared? 3yr: Umm....uhh, air, I'm scared of the air!... (Child, there are many things in this world that you and I should be terrified of, truly, indisputably, utterly scared to death of. Please hear me when I say that a sleeping baby sister and the fresh air you breathe are not one of those scary things!...) Me: It's okay, honey. Turn on the closet light, so it's not so scary. Go back to bed. 3yr: Okay. (Parenting at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning is scary hard, so-so-scary hard to do without losing one's cool.)

A truck and trailer pulled into my lane on an icy road. I braked hard and lost control. I thought for sure I'd ram into him but my car veered into the oncoming traffic lane instead. I'm thankful that traffic was clear in that moment, and I could stop just short of a snowbank in a residential street, catch my breath, then drive home safely to give all my girls extra hugs and kisses.  Let's live another day!  Spring is coming!

3yr: We need a baby that doesn't cry! Laura: We need a toddler that doesn't whine. 3yr: Hahaha...

"Your organization is perfectly designed for producing the results you're experiencing right now." (qtd in Francis Chan's Letters to the Church ) Ouch.

Me: I love talking about logical fallacies and learning how to catch flaws in people's arguments. It's so interesting. Student: I love hamburgers.

My one-year-old is trying out stand-up: Dada. Yeah? Knock knock. Who's there? Hahahahaha!.... She's a natural:  So funny she knocked out the punchline. 😅

While I'm prepping the car for a class field trip: Student: Does your car have missiles that come out of your tires and can fire at other cars? Me: Only on odd days. Student: Is today an odd day?! Me: It's the 22nd. Student: Oh. 😔

"I hope there's a party at the party!" –  my fun-loving 3-year-old (you know the type)

On the bright side, my wife expects that the CDC will report a downtick of infectious diseases with Michigan effectively quarantined for a week!

"The biggest big business in America is not steel, automobiles, or television. It is the manufacture, refinement and distribution of anxiety." --Eric Sevareid

In class today, a student demonstrated how to make ice cream by shaking up 1/2 cup of Half-and-Half, 1/2 cup of whole milk, 2 Tbsp of sugar, and 1 tsp of vanilla extract in a small freezer bag within a larger Ziploc bag filled with ice cubes and 6 Tbsp of rock salt, for about 8 minutes. Me: How much Half-and-Half and how much whole milk? Student: A half a cup of Half-and-Half and a half a cup of whole milk. Me: (with a straight face) So half Half-n-Half; half whole? Student: ??? Me: You have half Half-n-Half; half whole? Student: 😩 Class: 😣 (Don't feel bad for my students. I'm the one who ended up shaking the bag!)

FYI: "In Korea, everyone is 1 from the time they are born. And everyone gets a year older on New Year's day. So your Korean age is always either one or two years older than your Western age."