Rozey Thorn Trees

Student: It would be great to say that I've played polo. It's so hoighty-toighty. Me: I've played polo. Student: You've played polo? On a horse with a polo stick?! Me: Marco...Polo! Haha... Student: That's not funny.... (Believe me, I know it's not funny. My name is Mark, but I was born Marco...)

Have you ever pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru window with your wallet out ready to pay for a cup of coffee and a muffin but then had the teller tell you to put your money away because the driver in the car in front of you who just paid your bill is a former student of yours? Well, I just did, and it felt awesome! Thank you, Sam Fagerstrom : )

Me: Thank you for your birthday treats yesterday. Student: Your problem. Me: Uhhh. Student: I mean you're welcome.

Who can top walking into a two-sided movie rack so hard that nearly all 132 DVD cases plus their 132 display covers scatter into the aisles on both sides? The poor Family Video workers looked over from the checkout desk in time to see me hugging an emptied rack trying to stop the rocking. Then awkward silence. I'm left standing there stupidly holding two DVD cases that I had heroically saved from hitting the floor. "I am soooo, soooo, soorrrry!"    They were tremendously gracious to me. They rushed over, laughed it off, and quickly began restocking the shelves while I stood by not sure if I should attempt to help. "I saved two DVDs for you." They ignored my comment and kept stocking. I asked if I was the first person to do that. Sadly, no. Once, a man having an epileptic attack took down several racks full of DVDs. Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better... So, please, somebody, anybody, tell me you can top my klutziness of the day s...

Words to Know: The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (or "frequency illusion"): when a thing you just found out about suddenly seems to crop up everywhere. The Capulin Corollary: when you read something and then hear a person say that exact same word or phrase at the time you read it. So is there a name for the cool feeling you have when you see people in another car mouthing the words to a song you're singing loudly to on your car radio, and in that instant you make eye contact and together realize what's happening and feel really embarrassed about it, but you've got to smile big because what just happened was so cool?.... "Coincidence" doesn't do it for me.

This morning my wife and I both woke up under the weather, feeling pretty groggy and achy all over.  Hot coffee only helped a little.  Unfortunately, her health was a bit worse off than mine for various reasons.  In a hurry to get to work she asked me to do her a big favor and pick up Sudafed from the pharmacy. I said okay, no problem... At the pharmacy the druggist asked me what the Sudafed was for: Me: Uhh, it's for my wife. I think it's for, uh, menstrual cramps. Druggist #2: ( in the background and a bit loudly)  No, that's not right! Sudafed is not for menstrual cramps!... Druggist #1: (quietly) No, that wouldn't help with menstrual cramps. Me: Oh, right, uh, what was I thinking. Uh, maybe she wanted it to help her get to sleep. Druggist #2: (interjecting in the background) No, that's not it either! Sudafed would have the opposite effect if anything... Druggist #1: (quietly) No, sorry, Sudafed won't help her get to sleep. It helps relieve conges...

So the gentleman in the purple shirt gets up out of his chair, walks over to me, and quietly tells me that by the time the air show begins I need to find another place to stand so that I am not in the way of people sitting around us who have been waiting a long time to see the show.  I look around and note to myself that his argument is invalid: I am not seriously in anyone's way and in a short time there will be many more people standing in this same location. Surely he must be joking. I turn back to him, chuckle, and give him my friendliest "you've got to be pulling my leg" smile. He sits back down in his chair then menacingly says to me, "I'm only going to tell you this one time." My dad standing next to me witnesses the moment. He later asks me why that man singled me out like that. I said I don't know but there have been many times in my life when I've wondered why people have singled me out:  Because I'm in the wrong? Certainly,...

In my bachelor days, whenever I visited new cities, I enjoyed wandering off the beaten paths until lost, then eventually finding my way back to familiarity. I ran into all kinds of conspicuous, quaint, and colorful experiences that I fondly remember. Well, here's a  website game  that scratches that itch... : )

"Parents who view themselves as educational coaches tend to read to their children every day when they are small; when their children get older, they talk with them about their days and about the news around the world. They let their children make mistakes and then get right back to work. They teach them good habits and give them autonomy....They want their children to fail while they are still children. They know that those lessons—about hard work, persistence, integrity, and consequences—will serve a child for decades to come."

“What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65… and you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life?” —Anne Lamott

I was lost on a road trip the other day, and without my GPS or phone...Panic! Fortunately, the map I keep in the glove compartment rescued me. I'd forgotten about those adventurous days of giant unfolded maps taking up my passenger seat and dashboard space and the guesswork fun of pencil mazed navigation...

Today I make my annual non-charitable contribution to the Parking Violations Bureau of the City of Traverse City. I knew my meter had run out, but I was out of change, enjoying a brewed coffee in a cushy chair, and finally making work progress. What were the chances that a meter cop would bust me in the 10-minute window before the five o'clock free parking? My cousin in Grand Rapids recently told me that she just adds coins to her parking meter using her phone app. Cool! I looked it up. Apparently, we can do it here in TC, too, at a couple locations: https://parkmobile.zendesk.com/entries/21603354-Traverse-City-MI-Parkmobile-Info

If you're struggling with how to title your life memoirs, this title generating website will mock up a book cover and title for you. I got: "MARK A. ROZEBOOM: COURAGE TO AGITATE." More cheesy than life-affirming, but who knows what you'll get.

My daughter wakes me from my nap with screaming from her bedroom: "Scary! Scary!"  I rush in. "What's wrong!"  "I hear noises!" she says.  I ask, "What noises?"  She makes deep, heaving, guttural sounds. I lie down next to her and quietly shush her, then listen intently for what I suspect to be the usual plumbing sounds from our three-story condo building, or maybe traffic or animal sounds from outside her window.  I hear many sounds, but it's not until she repeats her asthmatic, Darth Vader-like tones that I realize that she is imitating me snoring. I am the one who was making the scary breathing noises.  "You were making the noises, Daddy?"  "Yes, I was snoring."  "Haha, you're silly, Daddy. Please don't make those noises again."  "Ok, honey. I won't. Sweet dreams."  So now I'm wondering if Uncle Henry is to blame for Dorothy's phobia of lions, tigers, and b...

A silent, undisturbed caterpillar Suspended from a branch Hangs motionless Surrounded by the busyness of nature Forgotten Waiting, waiting, waiting For the walls of solitude To fall away O, my Soul, there you hang Alone, shut out from the world Growing, maturing, changing from old habits Till the chains fall off that hold you in place Till the day you soar high and beautiful by Clary Walker II

"If you don't come right now, I will go home and eat your cheesecake!" I said after church desperately, tiredly, hungrily, ashamedly, but, most important, successfully.

This is a favorite documentary of mine about the brilliant British autistic savant Daniel Tammet. It closely reflects the events of his autobiography Born on a Blue Day .

A big caffeinated thank you to the gracious Cuppa Joe drive-thru customer in front of me this morning who picked up my coffee and scone tab. I needed that : )

I tossed three trash bags into the dumpster this morning. As the last bag left my hand, I watched in horrific slow motion as my car keys snagged onto it, bounced off the top of it, and then disappeared downwards into the bowels of the giant bin..."Ooooh, noooooooo!" (Oh, yes! I went dumpster diving today in sub-degree weather. Yes, I did.) #tardyexcuse #howwasyourmorning

Classical Greece, 28 Medieval Age, 30 Early 20th century, 32 2013, 71 And the winning country for highest life expectancy in 2013: Monaco, 90 So Just Look Up The Place You Were Born On This Little Chart And Check Out When You'll Probably Die

A scene from The Little Rascal's "School's Out" episode (1930), when the teacher discovers that her students had been slipped all the wrong answers by a jokester: Miss Crabtree: Douglas Greer, what was Abraham Lincoln's mother's name? Douglas Greer: Mrs. Lincoln. Miss Crabtree: Are you children trying to be funny? Buddy O'Donald, on Paul Revere's night ride, what did he say as he stopped his horse in front of the colonial homes? Buddy O'Donald: He said, "Whoa!!" .... Miss Crabtree: I'm going to be punishing the next child severely who gives me a foolish answer! Farina, what was Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address? Farina: Sixteen Forty-Four South Main Street! (As a teacher I smile because it was true when I was a class clown in school...and it's true now (sigh : )

Chicolini: Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes. Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars! Chicolini: Dollars! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollars, Taxes! #taxesfiled

—a person who speaks confidently, but ignorantly, about a subject.

“I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”

A 6th grade girl approaches Laura before class: Girl: Mrs. Rozeboom, do you like whoppers? Laura: Umm, not really. Girl: Because I brought you some. (She opens her hand to reveal three melted milk chocolate malted milk balls.) Laura: Thank you. I think you better eat them...

"Remember that there are only three kinds of things anyone need ever do. (1) Things we ought to do (2) Things we’ve got to do (3) Things we like doing. I say this because some people seem to spend so much of their time doing things for none of the three reasons, things like reading books they don’t like because other people read them. Things you ought to do are things like doing one’s school work or being nice to people. Things one has got to do are things like dressing and undressing, or household shopping. Things one likes doing — but of course I don’t know what you like. Perhaps you’ll write and tell me one day."

Question: What is the favorite food of teenagers, and what is the average age for getting a driver's license?

Last night, while we were sleeping: Laura: Ow! You kicked me! Me: Sorry. I was playing soccer. Laura: I hope you won! Me: It was a pick-up game and we were just kicking it around. Sorry : ( (I turned over to avoid kicking my wife in bed again...)

Laura started her student teaching last week at a local middle school. Today a 6th grade student approached her to ask a question. Laura thought he might ask something cultural about England or about the process of becoming a teacher.... Student: Do you get to use the teacher's bathroom? Laura: Yes. (He looked a bit downcast as if that was a great injustice.) Laura: That's one of the exciting things that gets me up in the morning. (He walked away after that. He didn't get the verbal irony.)