Rozey Thorn Trees

Sophia reported fearfully that Freya had disappeared from her bed at naptime and that she was nowhere to be found. She was not in her bedroom, not in any of our beds, nor anywhere else in the house. A soft scritch-scratch sound emitted from the bedroom closet. I caught a glimpse of little fingers flitting from inside her closet door. Sophia and I exchanged bewildered glances. I slid open the door slowly to reveal the horrible truth of what I knew must lay therein. "Oh, no," I said. Sophia gasped heavily, then screamed, "Noooo! My candy! Freya! How could you!" Freya sat staring back at us, remorseless, with a Hershey smeared mouth and leftover wrappers gripped tightly in her little fists. Signs of mass candy carnage lay all around her. Sophia sobbed loudly as she forced herself past me to recover what was left of her no longer secret holiday stash. Freya started crying just as loudly that her sweet illicit escapade was over too soon, too soon, indeed. I'm just ha

She: Can you hand me the spatula? Me: Here. She: No, the real spatula. Me: This one? She: No, the flat one. Me: The flat spatula? The flatula? As in for flatulating? 😅 She: Do I look like I'm in the mood to laugh?... Me: Found it! 😇 (Spatula...as in for spatulating??? Just trying to be helpful! 😁)

8yr: How much older are you than Mom? Me: 8 years. 8yr: WHAT?!!! Me: ☺️ 8yr: YOU WERE MY AGE WHEN MOMMY WAS BORN?!!! Me: 🤣 (I'll be starting a GoFundMe site soon for my child's therapy bills...)

Me: Are you dressed for school? That's what you're wearing? Oh, honey, that's too casual. Laura: She says that's the fashion at school. Me: That's the fashion nowadays? No. That's okay for watching cartoons at home on the couch on a Saturday morning, not for school. Please dress nicer. (She changes without a fuss. She returns dressed nicer.) Me: Wow! You look so nice! Laura: Very nice! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look ready for school! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look like you could be a teacher! 8yr:  😐 Laura: OK, that's not going to help. (Yeah, I better not press my luck around this minefield...)

Me: It's so beautiful out here! Gorgeous colors, fresh air, birds and animals all around. I really enjoyed our nature walk together, honey. Did you enjoy the walk, too? 2yr: NO! Of course, she didn't. Poor girl. During the walk, she was trying not to trip and muddy her shoes, asking me what the scary noises in the woods were, and wanting me to carry her and take her home now! ... Either we need to do this more often or never again!😜 Next day update: She enjoyed our walk much better as a whole family.

"In the U.S., the average, one-way commute time is 26.1 minutes, according to the U.S. Census Bureau."

Me: 🎵"The sun'll come out Tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun!"🎵 4yr: Heh, heh. Bottom.

In the car, on the way to church. 4yr: Freya hit me for no reason! Me: Nooo, we don't hit others! That's not nice! You're supposed to hug your sister. 2yr: No! I hug her at home. Me: Hug her in the car too. Hug her everywhere. 2yr: No! I don't want to. I just hug her at home... I apologize if my child wasn't sweet and saintly in church this morning. She hasn't learned to fake that yet. 😇

I turn on Christian pop radio. 8yr: No, not this station! Me: Why not? 8yr: They only play boy singers! Me: Nooo, come on. They play girl singers, too. 8yr: See! That's a boy singer! Me: The next one will probably be a girl singer. 8yr: What if it's not? Me: I'll give you gum. 8yr: OK. She wins the gum. I switch to other radio stations: All boy singers. I switch back to the first station: Boy singer. Three more songs later: Still boy singers. The sixth song starts... IT'S A GIRL SINGER!!! My car audience erupts with loud, uproarious celebration!... Girl singers rock! Bring it on! Lovin' it!... Then back to boy singer. Sooo, Radio Stations, on behalf of my three little music-loving girl singers in the back seat of my car, what's up with the messed up gender ratio today? Is this the way it is? Is this the way it's going to be? Boy singers are great too, but let's get some more girl power in there. Maybe we need to put a demo together, haha...

Me: Clean up time. Is everybody picking up? 8yr: Yes, but they aren't! 4yr: Yes, I am! Me: Good job. How about you? What are you doing to help? 2yr: (sings the Barney clean up song) "Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere..." Ahh, the motivational consultant.

A pet peeve venting moment: Enough with naming products Buddy or Pal! It's lazy, cringe-inducing, and I've literally not bought your product because of it. I don't care if I'm alone in this. 😜