Rozey Thorn Trees

 7yo: The last time we went to Lincoln Park Zoo we didn’t see any birds because of bird flu. Me: The birds flew away from the zoo? 7yo: No, the bird flu! Me: I wonder where the bird flew to. 7yo: Daddy! Me: The bird flew to his daddy? That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard! 7&5yo: Daddy!… I’m incorrigible 😇

Aunty Mimi explained to my girls that since their middle names are Faith, Hope, and Grace, her new baby’s middle name should be Joy because we can use more Joy in our lives. Thalia asked why not Self-Control because we need more of that too.

Me: Did you actually nap today? 5yr: Yes, I napped. 3yr: I napped too. 5yr: No, you didn’t. 3yr: Yes, I did! I power napped! 5yr: No, you were playing in your bed the whole time! 3yr: Yes, playing in my bed is a power nap! This explains so much. 🤦‍♂️

Luna the Moon: Remember, kids, there's always tomorrow! 4yr: (under her breath) Until you die. Me: Uhh...

There was a lot of yelling today (some from me) and a lot of crying (mostly me) and a lot of "We are NEVER doing X again" (all me) and even some "How have we utterly failed as parents?" Thankfully, Sophia put it all in perspective as she kissed me good night: "Don't worry. It will get better soon. One day we'll all be teenagers." - Laura

8yr: We got a new toaster! 2yr: Yay, a rollertoaster! Me: Hahaha... It's funny because that's not a thing. Then I Googled it. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a Hot Wheels car. It's a T-shirt. It's a restaurant. It's a rock band. It's even a toaster oven that literally rolls your slice of bread into toast. Who knew? Moral: Before you laugh at your children, Google it. It's a thing.

We signed up with Shipt for grocery-getting. It's our first time and it feels luxurious! I could get used to this! Like the first time I felt When Grubhub delivered me a hamburger, But better. Hey, the Shipt employee just texted me. She's on her way. Wait. A breaking update from News 8: "Shipt: Meijer team members at 3 stores test positive for COVID-19" Me: Uhh. Laura: She's here! Stand back. Don't touch. Smile. Say thank you. Wave goodbye. Spray the bags. Wipe the groceries clean. Did you get the receipt? Maybe we can return the COVID-19 For some in-store credit? For now, let's get dinner ready And eat nutritiously! A crown of luxury indeed Fit for a king and queen! I can't get used to this.

Me: Hello, my babies! Are you safe and snug? We’re not going to wander off and get lost today, are we? Oh, so cute! Nobody wake up the babies, OK? Girls: Aww! (Whatever it takes to not lose the remotes, for once!)

8yr: Daddy, can I put something on? Me: Jeans, shirt, sweater? Sure. 8yr: No! Can I put something on the TV? Me: Why would you put a sweater on the TV? 8yr: Nooo!... Ain't I a stinka!  Don’t feel too sorry for her.  She served me a sugar cookie  Frosted with peppermint toothpaste  With sprinkles on top!  Blecchh!

Me: Why did you throw my tax papers all over the floor? 2yr: OK, I won't. Me: But you already did! It's a mess. I spent the morning organizing it. Can you help me pick it up? 2yr: OK. Me: Thank you... She’s a taxing but helpful little child deduction Whose birth date happens to be April 15th, haha