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A Fairy Tale

Four times I ask my four-year-old to get the scissors from the top drawer. Four times she returns empty-handed: no scissors to be found anywhere! I walk over to the drawer, open it, and point at the scissors. Me: They're right there. 4yr: (matter-of-factly) Magic. Maybe fairies are real. Yes, maybe fairies are real... Me: 🙃

Bubble Bath Solution

Problem: They're throwing tantrums because it's bathtime. Solution: I fret woefully that there are far too many bubbles in the bath, and I wonder which one of my daughters will be the first in the tub to pop them all. That's how it's done stress-free, folks. 😉

The Cloud Factory

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Me: Looks like someone put in a big order at the cloud factory! Kids: Daddy! Those aren't clouds! Me: That's why it's so cloudy in West Michigan. Kids: Daddy! Those aren't clouds! Me: You could order up a cloud, too, you know. For a buck, a puff of cloud the size of a bag of cotton candy. 8yr: Daddy, I want you to order a cloud for me for Christmas!... (They know I'm kidding but they love it : )

Afraid of the Dark

Me: What did you learn from the story? 4yr: I don't know. Me: I think I learned that you don't have to be afraid of the dark. What do you think about that? 4yr: I'm never afraid of the dark. Me: Really? Hmmm. Then why do you crawl into bed with Mommy and me every night? 4yr: Because I like to snuggle with you! Me: Awwwww. 😘 4yr: And because I love you! Me: Awwwww! 🥰 (She's such a little fibber. As cute as she is right now, her snuggles are not adorable at 3 in the morning! 😅)

Hawaii Vacation

My 8-year-old is under the impression that her school peers go on exotic vacations on the weekends. Hmm, maybe they do. Oh, well. The best I can do right now is Youtube a 360-degree video tour of Hawaii...Nope. She's not buyin' it.  😐

A Naptime Horror Story

Sophia reported fearfully that Freya had disappeared from her bed at naptime and that she was nowhere to be found. She was not in her bedroom, not in any of our beds, nor anywhere else in the house. A soft scritch-scratch sound emitted from the bedroom closet. I caught a glimpse of little fingers flitting from inside her closet door. Sophia and I exchanged bewildered glances. I slid open the door slowly to reveal the horrible truth of what I knew must lay therein. "Oh, no," I said. Sophia gasped heavily, then screamed, "Noooo! My candy! Freya! How could you!" Freya sat staring back at us, remorseless, with a Hershey smeared mouth and leftover wrappers gripped tightly in her little fists. Signs of mass candy carnage lay all around her. Sophia sobbed loudly as she forced herself past me to recover what was left of her no longer secret holiday stash. Freya started crying just as loudly that her sweet illicit escapade was over too soon, too soon, indeed. I'm just ha...

A Marriage Spat

She: Can you hand me the spatula? Me: Here. She: No, the real spatula. Me: This one? She: No, the flat one. Me: The flat spatula? The flatula? As in for flatulating? 😅 She: Do I look like I'm in the mood to laugh?... Me: Found it! 😇 (Spatula...as in for spatulating??? Just trying to be helpful! 😁)

The Age Gap

8yr: How much older are you than Mom? Me: 8 years. 8yr: WHAT?!!! Me: ☺️ 8yr: YOU WERE MY AGE WHEN MOMMY WAS BORN?!!! Me: 🤣 (I'll be starting a GoFundMe site soon for my child's therapy bills...)

School Fashion

Me: Are you dressed for school? That's what you're wearing? Oh, honey, that's too casual. Laura: She says that's the fashion at school. Me: That's the fashion nowadays? No. That's okay for watching cartoons at home on the couch on a Saturday morning, not for school. Please dress nicer. (She changes without a fuss. She returns dressed nicer.) Me: Wow! You look so nice! Laura: Very nice! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look ready for school! 8yr:  🙂 Me: You look like you could be a teacher! 8yr:  😐 Laura: OK, that's not going to help. (Yeah, I better not press my luck around this minefield...)

Nature Walk

Me: It's so beautiful out here! Gorgeous colors, fresh air, birds and animals all around. I really enjoyed our nature walk together, honey. Did you enjoy the walk, too? 2yr: NO! Of course, she didn't. Poor girl. During the walk, she was trying not to trip and muddy her shoes, asking me what the scary noises in the woods were, and wanting me to carry her and take her home now! ... Either we need to do this more often or never again!😜 Next day update: She enjoyed our walk much better as a whole family.