Rozey Thorn Trees

Luna the Moon: Remember, kids, there's always tomorrow! 4yr: (under her breath) Until you die. Me: Uhh...

There was a lot of yelling today (some from me) and a lot of crying (mostly me) and a lot of "We are NEVER doing X again" (all me) and even some "How have we utterly failed as parents?" Thankfully, Sophia put it all in perspective as she kissed me good night: "Don't worry. It will get better soon. One day we'll all be teenagers." - Laura

8yr: We got a new toaster! 2yr: Yay, a rollertoaster! Me: Hahaha... It's funny because that's not a thing. Then I Googled it. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a Hot Wheels car. It's a T-shirt. It's a restaurant. It's a rock band. It's even a toaster oven that literally rolls your slice of bread into toast. Who knew? Moral: Before you laugh at your children, Google it. It's a thing.

We signed up with Shipt for grocery-getting. It's our first time and it feels luxurious! I could get used to this! Like the first time I felt When Grubhub delivered me a hamburger, But better. Hey, the Shipt employee just texted me. She's on her way. Wait. A breaking update from News 8: "Shipt: Meijer team members at 3 stores test positive for COVID-19" Me: Uhh. Laura: She's here! Stand back. Don't touch. Smile. Say thank you. Wave goodbye. Spray the bags. Wipe the groceries clean. Did you get the receipt? Maybe we can return the COVID-19 For some in-store credit? For now, let's get dinner ready And eat nutritiously! A crown of luxury indeed Fit for a king and queen! I can't get used to this.

Me: Hello, my babies! Are you safe and snug? We’re not going to wander off and get lost today, are we? Oh, so cute! Nobody wake up the babies, OK? Girls: Aww! (Whatever it takes to not lose the remotes, for once!)

8yr: Daddy, can I put something on? Me: Jeans, shirt, sweater? Sure. 8yr: No! Can I put something on the TV? Me: Why would you put a sweater on the TV? 8yr: Nooo!... Ain't I a stinka!  Don’t feel too sorry for her.  She served me a sugar cookie  Frosted with peppermint toothpaste  With sprinkles on top!  Blecchh!

Me: Why did you throw my tax papers all over the floor? 2yr: OK, I won't. Me: But you already did! It's a mess. I spent the morning organizing it. Can you help me pick it up? 2yr: OK. Me: Thank you... She’s a taxing but helpful little child deduction Whose birth date happens to be April 15th, haha

Now that hand-shaking is out,  Are we going to ignore the obvious?  Public enemy #1?  The doorknobs, guys!  They’re a hotbed of swarming micro-buggers!  Sliding doors and teleportation beams will save the universe!  (Star Trek was so ahead of its time.)  #ElonGetToWork  #StarTrek #LiveLongAndProsper

I got a trophy for not venturing out to socialize during the quarantine. I mean atrophy. I got atrophy for not venturing out. Definitely not a trophy. 😒

I’m teaching my little ones how to play chess, but they’re resisting the rules of battle: Me: But you’re supposed to capture the other team’s players! 4yr: No, because she doesn’t want me to capture her. 2yr: No, don’t capture me. 4yr: Don’t worry. I won’t. Me: But that’s how to play the game! 4yr: That’s okay. I won’t capture you. 2yr: Okay.... So we’re just going to play chess according to the rules of mutual consent and common decency, the Golden Rule, and the Geneva Convention? Really?  Okay, that’s cool. #StoryTimeChess