Rozey Thorn Trees

Today my 8-year-old and I attended a coronavirus webinar that was produced for elementary school kids to be properly informed about the national quarantine. It was worthwhile. We even got to cheer two times when the medical expert chose to answer Sophia’s submitted comments and questions about the virus! Little did I know, my 4-year-old was paying attention, too. At the end of the teleconference, she casually showed me a coronavirus doodle she had just drawn. Uhh. “Wow! You drew that? That’s impressive. Go show Mama!” I didn’t expect her to have listened and to have actually processed this subject matter! I hope she’s okay. She seemed unaffected by what she had heard. Of course, we’ve been educating them about germs and soap and social distancing to explain things like why we’ve been waiting a couple weeks to visit with their grandparents. Nonetheless, I worry that we’re not doing it right and that 4-years-old is too young for little kids to be understanding such th...

When this quarantine ends,  I’m not looking forward to A-types  Eye-balling me in public restrooms  To offer up corrective hand washing techniques:  “Uhh, yer doin’ it wrong,”  “Eww, gross. You call that clean?”  “That wasn’t 20 seconds, dude,”  “You tryin’ to kill us all!”... #SayNoToSaniShaming On the other hand,  Let’s all agree to call out those  Who flush then rush out the door! #SayNoToSinkSkippers !

Most of my middle school and high school students formally address me as Mr. Rozeboom. Here's my collection of alternative titles from the past 20 years: Mark Mr. R, Mr. Roze Mr. Rozy Mr. Boom, Mr. BoomBoom (when I taught in Detroit) Mr. Mister (my initials spell MR) and Dad (I played old man Jacob in the Joseph musical. A bit weird, but theater students are a different breed, haha) Any other teachers out there with informal titles?

Whenever I see photos of empty store shelves,  I feel bad for the stock worker who shows up,  Sees his neglected product,  And feels unappreciated. Of course he knows it’s not personal:  The market for tofu — A tasteless curd  That’s one letter shy of  “Toe-food”— Is not what the free market is clamoring for. But this is his livelihood!  And... and... Yeah,  He needs to get a new job.

No, our 4-year-old does not accept Mommy’s invisible microbes theory as a valid scientific reason to throw away her two contaminated chocolate covered almonds.... Laura: ...You can’t see them because they’re so teeny-tiny. 2yr: They’re like me! I’m teeny-tiny too!

4yr: Stop choking me! Me: What is going on over there!  I thought you were playing foosball!  Why are you choking your sister? 2yr: I'm trying to play with her, but she keeps hitting the ball in my goal! Red card. Deliberate foul. Leave the field of play immediately. My goodness.  Little girls play for keeps.

My 4-year-old wrote up her old morning schedule tonight Because she’s missing preschool already: "Morning Schedule Brush teeth?! Eat breakfast Pack backpack Go upstairs Get coat and boots Get in the car Was your translation close? Good job. Now read each line again  But with ever-increasing  Tones of urgency! Perfect.

Me: Soup is ready! Who wants soup? 4yr: I don’t. 2yr: I don’t! (starts crying) I don’t like soup! I don’t want to eat it! Me: But this isn’t just any soup! This is soup du dupe! All: What is soup du dupe! Me: You’ll have to eat it all up to find out! Who wants to eat some soup du dupe! All: I do! Me: Soup du dupe coming up! All: Yay! Soup du dupe! Me: Soup du dupe!... Progresso chicken soup with vegetables & pearl pasta was a hit tonight.  All gone with no complaints.

Me: It’s so sunny out today! 4yr: It gets sunnier and sunnier and bunnier and bunnier! (whispers to me) That means more bunnies are out. Me: Bunnier. Got it.